I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
