I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
