We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
