Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
