when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
