her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize