super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
