Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
