I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
