it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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