Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
