Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it's like iHOP with fire
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
