is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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