why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
