That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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