good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
