Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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