Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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