I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
