jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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