why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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