why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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