please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
