He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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