a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
