I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
