in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
