I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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