We're like a lot better than the average bears
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
