Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
