overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize