Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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