im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
