i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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