im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
