What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
