White coat. Heels.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
