I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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