That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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