Can Purell be used as lube?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
