I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
