I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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