This is not my ceiling
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize