i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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