I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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