doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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