I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
