I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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