There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
