I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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