if you like me you must not know who I am
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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