great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
