I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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