I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
