So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
and you fell through a lawn chair
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
