so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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