Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
