1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
