Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
