Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize