When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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