you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
