can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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