I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
