I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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