I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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