I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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