it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
