i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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