can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
