My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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