Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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