At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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