i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
