My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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