so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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