I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize