Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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